Categories
arguing conflict

“Don’t Confuse Me With Facts!”

Some of us spend a significant portion of our lives agitating in defence of our position on different topics, some of which have ultimately led to breakup in relationships, ending of friendships, and unfortunately and worst of all, ending of a life.

Most of the conflicts around relate to opinions masquerading as facts. Interestingly, it is said that 10% of arguments relate to matters of fact – 90% are caused by a ‘wrong’ tone of voice. But I digress.

Fact remains fact regardless of who presents it, and how strongly it is opposed. Fact remains fact because – well – because it is just that: FACT. To argue against a fact is not only counter-productive, it can sometimes make someone out to be a conspiracy theorist.

This is as opposed to someone being misinformed, or mistaken, or downright ignorant. However, in such a situation it is most beneficial for someone, in humility, to accept the possibility they could be wrong, and seeking out clarity or confirmation from reliable sources.

Facts need no defence; hence if you know something to be a fact, there is not much point arguing with someone who insists on defending their opinion, where such opinion is at odds with the fact you know. Put simply, to argue is sometimes an exercise in futility. Or it could be an invitation for harm.

For some people, their position always is: “Don’t confuse me with FACTS.” It is a wise person who knows when to ‘agree to disagree’, smile, and walk away.

Knowing when to walk away from an argument where fact versus opinion are in contention can sometimes prevent undesirable outcomes.

Categories
Personal Growth Self Awareness Self development

Changing Our Perspective

Blue Pill? Or Red Pill? – Popular meme from The Matrix

We are usually more accepting of a bad situation if it resulted from our own act or omission. However, when we are faced with a situation that we did not cause, and which we feel unfair or unreasonable (have you ever found yourself wondering ‘Why does this have to happen to me!!??), how do we handle that?

– We tend to tolerate our bad situations better when we learn to put them into perspective

– Frequent trips to the principal’s office is likely preferable to frequent trips to the hospital, even though each, on its own, causes grief.

– We are likely to choose a broken limb over an amputated limb even though we would prefer neither situation in the first place.

– We are often more tolerant of a bit of extra noise, at nights, when we compare that with an inability to hear in the first place.

Our preferences are often dependent on the impact of our immediate circumstance on us. When we find ourselves at our most vulnerable, when we are crying for relief, our immediate goal is relief, from any source available. When that relief does not come fast enough, if at all, we often take steps, sometimes irrational or destructive, to force the relief we seek.

“Dear Lord, please send me unending pain and anguish, suffering and poverty”, prayed no one ever! But when we do encounter these realities, we learn to navigate them and can cope, indeed thrive, because of them.

Let us consider our circumstances and what causes us grief, and think about what other ‘bad’ situation we would gladly trade it for, understanding that whatever it is that we consider unbearable, someone else , at this very moment, is enduring even worse!

We don’t always get the opportunity to choose what challenges come our way, but how we respond can help determine the outcome.
Categories
Poems Poetry

Throwback from my early days of Poetry – done on typewriter to boot! (Circa 1990)

Poetry in action – Blast from the Past

Categories
personal growth Self development

Is it time for Surgery?

Is it time for surgery?

If you have had the need to undergo a surgical procedure of any kind, and for any reason whether cosmetic to life-saving. then you can likely appreciate its benefit.

Whether it was elective, urgent or emergency surgery, it would have inherent risks of some sort: risk that the procedure would not solve the targeted problem, risk that the incorrect procedure would be performed, risk of creating an unintended outcome, or worse.

In life we all need surgery of a different type; the kind that does not necessarily result in the loss of any physical limb or organ. Instead, there are sometimes people, behaviours, habits, or ideologies that need to be amputated or otherwise removed.

The aim is to remove any hindrance to personal growth and progress, while replacing some behaviours or habits with positive ones, or totally eliminating some.

This requires an honest, deliberate and strategic assessment of who we are, where we are, and where we need to get to. Any surgical procedure we undertake must point to that objective and like physical surgery will require a period of healing and recovery as we learn to adjust to the change in our condition.

If you find yourself in a place where you are no longer progressing, no longer growing, no longer happy, no longer proud of the person you see looking back at you in the mirror, then maybe it is time for Surgery.

We have the assurance that with patience and the right approach to our recovery, we can become as good as new in no time.

So is it time for surgery?

#surgery #hindrance #becoming #newyou #improve #strength

Categories
individual differences relationships

I AM UNIQUE (Just Like Everybody Else)

One of the most empowering self-discoveries is: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I am unique.”

We are all the same, and yet at the same time profoundly unique.

The way we relate to others often says a lot about how we perceive others and ourselves.

Human nature tends to force us to relate in a manner consistent with our views of others and our views of ourselves. The aim is to minimize or even eliminate, any dissonance generated by any difference between our views and our actions.

Those who are caught up in their own bloated sense of self-importance tend to be arrogant, boastful, and condescending to others with a strong sense of entitlement that is beyond that which is reasonable.

On the other hand, showing genuine patience, kindness and respect to others typically demonstrates self-confidence, humility, and a recognition of one’s humanity. It also demonstrates an awareness that we are all flawed, having the propensity to fail as human beings – just like everybody else.

So in a nutshell:

One of the most empowering self-discoveries is: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I am unique.”

One of the most humbling realizations to have is: So is everyone else!

One of the most powerful lessons from this awareness is: “Everyone else” is NOT the only one with flaws…I do too! So I will be humble and gracious in the way I interact with others, regardless of what I perceive to be their ‘flaws.’

#humility #humilityinaction #unique #bekind #allthesame

Categories
responses Self Awareness Value of Silence

SILENCE – Sometimes The Best Response!

Silence, when used wisely, can be of far greater impact than the most eloquent and carefully thought out speech. After all, wisdom and intelligence are not demonstrated merely by what is said, but by what is left unsaid.”

Let’s face it: we have all encountered people who are quite arrogant, mean or downright insensitive in the way they speak, who use words as weapons rather than tools of encouragement, teaching and of peace.

If we are not careful we will spend such a long time being crippled by the words directed at us, that we find ourselves either becoming demotivated, demoralized or withdrawn, careening back to a place from which we have struggled to emerge. The point is, we sometimes internalize these words to our detriment.

For some, the natural response is to attempt to protect ourselves from possible embarrassment by lashing out at the person, or to seek to defend ourself against that which has been said, by any means necessary. Whatever our motivation or objective from responding, in a number of instances we might well be best served by doing one thing: walking away.

You don’t need to attempt to defend yourself, or even respond to, every unkind or untrue thing that is said to you or about you. By your lack of response you are then demonstrating your superior emotional intelligence, wisdom, and strength of character.

Moreover, by your silence you would be removing the venom that might have been directed at you, thereby thwarting someone’s effort to hurt you with their unkind words.

Silence, when used wisely, can be of far greater impact than the most eloquent and carefully thought out speech. After all, wisdom and intelligence are not demonstrated merely by what is said, but by what is left unsaid.

Knowing when to apply which, is PRICELESS.

#silence #silenceispower #wisdom #walkaway #ignore #wordssometimeshurt #thinkbeforeyouspeak

Put up barricades against the negative impacts of words aimed at destroying your confidence or your character.
Categories
Don’t Quit

PUSH ON THROUGH

Circumstances outside of our control sometimes impact the outcome of our race. Along the way it may force us to consider actions like ABORT; or CTL-ALT-DEL; or RESTORE FROM BACKUP; or maybe a full RESET to a specified previous point.

We will have obstacles, but not every obstacle presents a reason to quit.

  • Don’t quit just because the race turns out to be harder than expected.
  • Don’t quit just because you become tired and frustrated.
  • Don’t quit just because someone tells you that you are not good enough.
  • Don’t quit just because you do not ‘see how you can possibly make your way through.’

Don’t ever lose faith in your ability to accomplish that which is important to you, regardless of the obstacles you encounter. You might not necessarily become the best at something, but you should always aim to do the very best you can at everything you do.

Success, which comes against apparently insurmountable odds, yields unparalleled satisfaction. Yes, success is its own reward. You only have a chance at success if you actually stay in the race.

#dontquit #dontgiveup #fighton #motivation #inittowinit #inspiration #motivation #race #life #reward #youcandoit #winning # victoryisyours

Categories
inspiration

Things Will Get Better

The absence of sunshine does not mean the sun is not there.

What do we focus on most when we go through our days? What determines whether we feel we are having a good day, or a bad day? It is quite easy, and perhaps normal, to focus on the situation we currently face rather than the more significant aspect of who we are becoming as a result of the situation.

Like our mood – which changes from moment to moment in some cases – our situation is only a fleeting, minuscule aspect of our daily lives, unless we fail to see such situation for what it really is and become paralyzed by it. Of itself it does not define our long term outcomes. After all our moods sometimes change a lot doesn’t it!

No matter what is going on in our lives, there will always be a brighter tomorrow. Just keep holding on.

To see beyond our situation is to see our life as a whole rather than a fleeting circumstance, no matter how dire. Our circumstances and situations change, and while we are impacted by them, we can look beyond them and find hope for brighter days ahead.

After all, the absence of sunshine does not mean the sun is not there.

Categories
caring inspiration kindness love matters

Our Words Matter

Does the way you respond to others make them want to connect with you when they need someone to talk to?

We sometimes forget to consider our own frailties when we interact with others. We therefore speak to, and treat, others as if their opinions and feelings do not matter, especially when these opinions and feelings happen to be in conflict with our own. At times we exhibit uninviting and unwelcoming dispositions which keep others from reaching out to us in their times of need.

A hallmark of a positive relationship – and indeed society – is the extent to which participants in that relationship or society value each other’s feelings and opinions, and are guided by that in their interactions. Words DO hurt, and persons who have greatest influence on others tend to affect them most with not only the words they say, but also HOW they say it.

We need to be honest in our interactions and our communications, but we can still accomplish both if we adopt an approach that seeks to encourage positive change. A wise and mature individual is one who will take stock of himself/herself regularly and make the necessary changes that will lead to greater mindfulness of others, and that in turn will go a far way in building more harmonious relationships.

Sticks and stones may break one’s bones, but words can break their spirit – and that might well be harder to heal than bones.

Categories
embracing criticisms personal growth Self Awareness Self development

In the end THE MESSAGE is really WHAT IS IMPORTANT…

…you don’t even have to like the messenger!