In the end, regardless of the outcome, a willingness to take the first step in the journey towards confronting our fear, is in itself a victory worth celebrating. It is these steps, baby steps though they may be, that account for the most impactful growth we will ever experience.
As we proceed into the unknown, we might either find that on the one hand, the thing we had feared all this time is not the great terror we previously thought, or that on the other hand, with the correct amount of effort, commitment and information, we can not only overcome, but indeed thrive!
Take the first step towards overcoming your fear and give yourself an opportunity to see your courage, and self-belief, grow in leaps and bounds.
O. N. Rowe
As you take that first step – Give yourself GRACE
As you rise up after having been knocked down – Give yourself GRACE
As you take action to part ways with that toxic or abusive or negative person – Give yourself GRACE
As you take on that project that you have been putting off all these years – Give yourself GRACE
As you step out of your comfort zone and move forward in your goal of improvement – Give yourself GRACE
No matter what the undertaking is, so long as it represents a deliberate act on your part to confront your fear – Give yourself the GRACE you deserve!
O. N. Rowe
That may very well be the best gift you can ever offer yourself as you prepare to confront your next challenge!
Success looks different for everyone. What success of yours will you celebrate today?
What exactly is success, and who defines what success looks like? Who said ‘success’ has to be the achievement of some grand, lofty goal, as measured by societal norms? Who so pompously declared that for you, even getting up out of bed isn’t a resounding success of the highest order? And who said you even need to have already finished what you started in order for it to qualify as ‘success?’
When our focus is merely on ‘success’ we tend to see anything short of that as failure. We might feel our effort has been wasted. We might even feel that the nay-sayers who voiced their pessimistic views or words of discouragement, were right! Such a view not only ignores our effort, but also dampens our drive to undertake a future task where a successful outcome is not assured. And that would be a most unfortunate outcome.
However, when we put our journey in its correct perspective we will see that it takes a special kind of courage to take on a challenge, especially one that takes every ounce of courage we have. Your struggles are often personal to you, and you alone are most intimately aware of the struggle you face daily.
You are best placed to be your biggest cheerleader. Sometimes, even the decision to START, translates to success and that is worth celebrating.
O. N. Rowe
I am convinced that by redefining success you will find that you have been displaying tremendous courage all along, and deserve far greater credit than you had thought.
The power over you which is inherent in that which you fear is limited to the extent of the power you relinquish to it
It takes a special kind of courage to confront our fears, recognizing that we might lose the battle – this time – but we will keep on trying again and again until we win!
What do you consider some of your biggest fears? Is it Public Speaking? Is it getting yourself out there? Is it being laughed at when you try and fail miserably? Is it ‘this?’ Or is it ‘that?’
Not that it matters what exactly you fear; everything that you fear can be confronted and overcome. The best way to overcome your fear is to do the thing that you fear! In doing so, you give yourself the opportunity to actually overcome it, because you cannot OVERCOME until you ATTEMPT!
That which you fear only has power over you to the extent of the power that you have relinquished to it. When you decide to take back that power, you will find that you are on your way towards overcoming that fear.
O. N. Rowe
Yes, it takes a special kind of courage to attempt to do something you feared doing in the first place – even where others consider it easy – because it means you recognize that by doing it you are taking steps to confront your fear.
Just because something might be harder for you to do, or take you longer to do, is not a reason to avoid the challenge. In fact, a willingness to take on a challenge despite the obvious difficulties it will present, demonstrates a greater act of courage than any accomplishment by someone for whom it would be considered ‘easy.’
Courage is when you don’t see the full way ahead, but you start anyway. Courage is when you decide that instead of putting your life into someone else’s hand, you are going to take charge and set about building the best life you can. Courage is leaving an abusive relationship even though you don’t know how you will make ends meet. Courage is leaving your comfort zone in pursuit of your dream.
Ascribing to yourself – or to others – a level of courage, success, or even effort solely on the basis of meeting a specific goal is to miss the fact that courage at times is not tangible. In other words, you cannot judge something someone does as having been ‘courageous’ just because they do something. I believe that courage is to be assessed by factors that are often internal to the person experiencing a particular fear or trepidation.
It is therefore not fair to deny yourself the satisfaction of each small step you make; it is not fair to deny yourself the patience you need when you have tried and failed; it is not fair to deny yourself the forgiveness you need when you ‘fall off the wagon’ and are back at Day One in your tracking; it is not fair to deny yourself the opportunity you need to grow into someone you can be proud of, recognizing that you are not yet who you want to be but you are working on it – you are working on YOU!
It is not fair to deny yourself the freedom you need to recognize and celebrate your victories as you go about exercising the courage you have within you.
Take a look around you: everyone you see is likely struggling with their own fears. You are not alone!
I am no psychologist but there is enough evidence to show that fear is learned – and by the way, fear is not necessarily such a bad thing! Different experiences as we grow up, along with words seared into our psyche, can shape our responses, and help to determine the things we fear.
Our different personalities also interact with our experiences to influence the level of fear we hold towards different things. Regardless of what the object of our fear is, the fear is real and can be debilitating. Moreover, regardless of whether or not someone else feels our fear is justified, that will not take away our fear.
It helps for someone to be comfortable with, and open about, their fear. Vulnerability is a state that we all seek to avoid, but it is through our willingness to be vulnerable about our fear that we develop the confidence to confront it. Some people who might appear fearless in the public domain, are actually quite fearful. For some the remedy is unfortunately drugs, which serve to inhibit fear and create a false sense of bravery which, sometimes, lead to undesired outcomes.
Embracing our fear, and taking deliberate steps to challenge them, is ultimately what will lead to a redefinition of how that which we fear impacts us going forward. Overcoming our fear does not necessarily mean we are no longer afraid; it just means we won’t let it control us. The first step towards overcoming our fear, therefore, is to Confront Our Fear.
So often we fail to give ourselves credit for some accomplishment, because we either see it as something we ‘should be able to do anyways;’ or perhaps it is something that society dictates that we should have already done.
These expectations help to shape our vision of what success looks like, and sometimes even have preconceptions of what it will take to get us there. We think about the destination, but sometimes forget to recognize the importance of the journey itself. While possible, achieving success might not be easy, and if we allow our fear to take root, that can easily guarantee failure. But should that stop us from trying?
To some people, mastery of the most complex processes will come easy; to others not so much. To some people, carrying out the most daring or challenging activity will come easy; again to others, not so much.
Courage is not the absence of fear; instead it is choosing to push forward even in the face of fear. It is about confronting a challenge even when all the indicators point to defeat or failure, just because you recognize there is a greater good to be achieved by the mere fact that you are willing to attempt to fight your way through.
Your situation, whatever it happens to be – but especially if it seems impossible – is your opportunity to demonstrate courage!
O. N. Rowe
Courage looks different for different people. For some, courage is standing up for what you know is right, no matter how unpopular it makes you. Courage is being willing to forgive someone because deep down you know it is the best thing for you, even when to others it appears that it’s because you are weak. Courage is not a loud shout; instead it is a quiet purring that slowly but surely tears down the wall of fear that you, or society, have put up around you.
Courage comes in many forms, and to those who do not know your story, it might be mistaken as insanity. Courage is choosing to proceed nevertheless. Some might mischaracterize your fear as cowardice. Well if they only knew how courageous you are being by choosing to confront it anyway!
We all have a lot to be thankful for; in fact, we can be thankful to someone for benefits extended to someone else!
When you say thank you, is it because it is polite to do so, or is it because you appreciate something of benefit that was done to you or for you?
Giving thanks, or showing appreciation, is a universal gesture that ought to follow as response to every act which directly or indirectly benefits someone. We do not need to go out of our way in search of something to be thankful for! Indeed every interaction with someone – including our time spent in prayer – is an opportunity to express our gratitude for something.
When someone gives you food, or money, or clothing or anything tangible, saying thank you indicates your recognition of a current benefit. It is of no less significance when someone teaches you a new skill; or helps you to land that job; or anything that sets you up for a future benefit. Our very life is a gift to us, and being alive is always, in itself, a reason to be thankful!
In some instances, the benefit of someone’s actions to us is not immediately recognized. For example, as a child, we may believe that our parents refusal to give us a desired item is an act of unkindness, or ‘evil’ even! Or if we wish to go and play while our parents insist that we study, that can lead to some very unkind words being uttered, or whispered depending on the response we know we will get from said parents). That would make our parents quite uncool and unpopular, right!?
However, it is often as we get older or when we become parents that we recognize the good that was intended through the act we previously considered mean or unkind!
Now back to my opening thought: to say thanks merely to satisfy a social requirement for politeness is to miss the whole point of expressing that word. It is instead a recognition of the benefit that someone’s action, or inaction, provides for us. It is acknowledging that we are better off because of what someone does to us or for us, or something someone says to us. It is a recognition that someone didn’t have to, but they did anyway.
A feeling of entitlement tends to reduce one’s inclination to express thanks. After all, ‘…why should I say thanks for someone giving me what’s mine anyways!?’ does sound like a reasonable argument. However, even in such situations, an attitude of gratitude goes a long way. Regardless of status, rank, position, title, race, class, or other societal hierarchical demarcations, gratitude is an imperative.
Additionally, it does not matter whether an act of kindness by someone else amounts to a sacrifice on their part; neither does it matter if it was merely a ‘publicity stunt!’ The determining factor is the benefit realized by the recipient. The well-known cliché ’Beggars can’t be choosers’ highlights the fact that motive for giving ought not to be a determinant of the level of gratitude that should result.
Simple yet effective…and always the right response!
I will conclude by noting that there is a potential benefit for expressing thanks – genuine thanks: it might just encourage someone to repeat that act of kindness to us, or to someone else in the future.
Have you ever spent a long time doing something, or watching something on the TV or at the cinema, and at the end you think: “Boy wasn’t that a grand waste of time!!”
If only we had a way to regain lost time when we have a bad experience
You might have heard how amazing a particular movie or tv program is; you decide to check it out and throughout the program you keep wondering “when will the ‘good part’ start?” Or you hear of this ‘big sale’ going on at your favourite department store and you decide to go, only to find that it was nothing special after all!
This scenario can describe so many different things in our lives where we feel our lives have been a never ending ‘one step forward; 2 steps backward’ affair. In those instances you can be excused for wishing that you could ‘reclaim your time’, (and indeed, your money too) the time wasted in doing something that was, in essence, a waste of time and/or money.
Sometime ago I learned a simple yet profound response to what could be deemed a ‘bad experience.’ Basically it says, simply, that there’s no such thing as a bad experience; every experience, good or bad, is actually an EDUCATION!
I typically find myself using this most when I go to a new restaurant, or try a new dish, or go to see a much-hyped movie, and find them actually underwhelming. Of course sometimes my saying that is actually just a euphemism for what I actually feel is a bad experience! After all, who want to waste time and money on something they did not enjoy!
Life is all about living experientially. You cannot fully grasp or understand someone’s situation or their pain, or even their joy, without experiencing them yourself. But that does not say you cannot be really, genuinely, happy for them when they experience situations that bring them joy, or when they experience sadness and pain through loss!
Of course nobody sets out to in search of bad experiences. However, when those moments or situations come around, they can be correctly seen as something beneficial: lesson learned, or, put another way, an education.
Time lost can never be regained. So while life does not necessarily give you the opportunity to ‘reclaim your time,’ it does offer you the opportunity to take lessons from all your experiences and use them as moments of education. The value of this education, when applied appropriately to future endeavours, will far exceed the pain of a disappointment, whether it be a wasted trip to the movies or to your favourite department store.
While we all endeavour to avoid them, bad experiences, when they come, provide important guidance for future behaviours
Life is like a Road-trip; if it is only about the destination for you, it can be a long and painful journey!
Road trip – Such an amazing and fun adventure, right!? Well I would not know because I have not experienced it myself. At least not the type where you set out on some long drive across provinces or States, or both. Or in the case of my home country Jamaica, where ‘road trip’ means driving from Morant Point to Negril Point, a whopping 300km or so distance. I haven’t actually done that one either.
There’s a popular expression that goes “Live fast – die young,” and in my mind it reflects the exact opposite of how life was meant to be lived. Like on a highway, there is an exponential increase in the risk of having an accident, and the law of momentum dictates that the faster you are going, the more severe the impact of a sudden stop.
Rather than like being on a speedway, therefore, going through life should be more like going on a road trip…a road trip to somewhere really far away but somewhere you depart for with great anticipation.
So with that in mind, here are 5 guidelines for tackling the highway of life:
I) It is a long journey – so make sure you pack the right things. This can be hard to do, because we often do not know exactly what we will need for such a journey until we actually need them. We might ‘Google’ suggestions to help us plan for the trip, but this will be just a guide as requirements will vary according to your specific circumstances and needs.
At the same time you want to avoid taking along with you excess baggage. It is easy to hold on to the past. The past hurt; the past failures; the heartbreaks; the disappointments; events that set you back and that threaten your future progress. Forgive those you need to forgive; not because they deserve it, but rather, because YOU do!
Along with everything else ensure you pack a healthy dose of faith. This is critical for those moments when you question your journey; when you question whether or not you have what it takes to succeed; when you face circumstances that would seek to break you. Faith in God helps you to trust in a Power greater than yourself; greater than your circumstances; greater that anyone else you might look up to for support and encouragement.
II) Pace yourself. Of vital importance is observing the speed limit. However, being on a highway that allows 110km per hour speeds does not mean you are obligated to that fast! Take it easy; make sure you are comfortable so that you save your energy and minimize fatigue. Take your mental breaks when you need them, while paying attention to your surroundings.
Burnout is a real risk when you seek to go through life without pacing yourself. As you work to earn and build your life, do not neglect your health. Do not neglect your family. Do not neglect the friends you will very likely need to help you along the way.
Life is meant to be lived in community. That is, with the support of others around you. Do not neglect this important facet of your journey. Having the right people around to support you is a great means of avoiding burnout, because you are then able to share the load.
O. N. Rowe
III) Set Targets. One cannot remain focused after driving for too long non-stop. You cannot afford to become so exhausted that your driving is compromised. This can have a catastrophic impact. Allow yourself time to rest, to stretch, to have your meal.
You might want to set specific distances to travel in between breaks based on where rest stops/motels are located. Get a good night’s sleep and be refreshed for the next phase of the journey.
Milestones are important. They help you keep track of progress, and allow you opportunities to stop and take stock of what is going right, what needs to be changed, and helps to plan for the next steps. When you do your assessment, celebrate your victories. Life is best viewed in little chunks of time, stacked in such a manner that when taken as a whole, lead to a deliberate outcome.
IV) Enjoy the scenery (stop and smell the roses along the way). Sometimes taking the shortest route between two points is not necessarily the best way to go. There are sometimes scenic routes which can make the journey less stressful.
Taking time out to do fun things, to unwind, to rejuvenate and reinvigorate, can add tremendous value to the experience of the journey. Make time for other important people in your life – your family, relatives, friends. Do not neglect the human element of your journey through life.
O. N. Rowe
As you travel along life’s journey, be on the lookout for traffic jams called delays; speed bumps called illness and other disappointments; changes in speed limits which caution you to slow down and rest a while. There will be setbacks, but you can always bounce back. Do not fall into the trap of feeling you are competing with anyone else. This is a journey towards attaining YOUR best self. Do not lose sight of that important fact.
V) Enjoy the destination. Our journey is not over until we have reached our destination. Make sure that the final destination is of such value that it makes the long journey worthwhile. Make sure it is somewhere you would want to stay a while, and enjoy.
Your career is a means to an end. Make sure you give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the ‘fruits of your labour.’ Protect your health. Take time to reflect on the journey and celebrate the completion. Do not neglect to recognize those who helped you along the way – that helping hand; those words of encouragement; or those prayer warriors who were constantly praying for you!
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Make your highway experience the best years of your life.
There is room for everyone on the highway of life. Be reasonable; be patient; play by the rules. The highway can be daunting; it can be challenging; it can be intimidating. However, there are some destinations that you can never reach unless you are prepared to muster up the courage, prepare yourself, draw on your faith, and join the traffic on the highway.
